Therapy for self-worth and self-criticism in Ottawa

How you respond to yourself matters

Self-worth concerns do not always look like a lack of confidence. You may be capable at work, dependable in your relationships and comfortable making some decisions, while feeling that your own needs require a strong justification. Compliments might be easy to dismiss. A difficult interaction may feel like evidence of something wrong with you rather than a situation worth understanding.

We can look at the moments when you become particularly hard on yourself. What standard are you measuring yourself against? Does it change depending on who is involved? Is there room for a mistake, uncertainty or a need you cannot immediately meet?

There is no expectation that you should arrive ready to say positive things about yourself. If being kinder to yourself feels false, uncomfortable or undeserved, that experience belongs in the conversation too.

Making sense of the criticism

Self-criticism can take different forms. You might push yourself to prepare beyond what a task requires, hoping to avoid an error. You may revisit a conversation long after it has ended, searching for what you should have said. Or you might stop yourself from trying something because the possibility of doing it badly feels difficult to tolerate.

We can explore what the criticism says, when it becomes louder and how you respond to it. We may also consider what you worry would happen if you were less demanding of yourself. For some people, that question brings up concerns about becoming careless or letting others down. For others, a different concern emerges.

Understanding a response does not mean that you have to agree with everything it tells you. It can give us more detail to work with than simply deciding that you need to be more confident.

Our article When being hard on yourself feels necessary explores the concern that easing self-criticism might mean losing your standards.

Responsibility, guilt and shame

There may be something real you want to take responsibility for: an apology you owe, a commitment you could not keep, or a choice you wish you had made differently. We can consider what happened and whether there is something you want to do now, without assuming that accountability requires an ongoing judgment of your whole self.

At other times, guilt may arise when you have disappointed someone or chosen something they would not have chosen for you. We can look at the expectations involved and how they fit your values and circumstances. Feeling guilty is something to understand; it does not, by itself, settle what you should do.

Shame can make a concern harder to bring into conversation. You may be more worried about what someone will think of you than about the event itself. We can take time with that worry and discuss how much you want to share.

What this work might look like

You might bring a recent piece of feedback that you cannot stop thinking about. We could look at the feedback itself, what you took it to mean, and what happened next. Did you try to correct something, dismiss the person’s reassurance, or decide that you should not need help?

From there, we can explore the response that feels most important. The work might involve putting a specific mistake back into context, recognizing a need you have been treating as unreasonable, or finding a way to respond to criticism that leaves room for your own judgment. These are possible directions, not a sequence every client needs to follow.

We can also notice what happens when you do something differently. Resting may still bring guilt, even when you have decided that you need rest. Asking for help may feel uncomfortable after the conversation has gone well. Those reactions give us something to return to rather than a reason to conclude that you have failed at the work.

Maiah’s approach

Maiah works collaboratively, drawing on an attachment lens, Internal Family Systems (IFS), mindfulness and somatic practices. An attachment lens can bring attention to relationships and expectations that matter to how you see yourself. IFS can offer language for competing responses, such as wanting a change while fearing what that change could cost.

We might explore a critical response alongside the part of the experience that feels tired, embarrassed or discouraged. Mindfulness and somatic practices may also be useful when you want to notice how a judgment develops in the moment. We’ll discuss the purpose of an approach and make room for your preferences.

Read about Maiah’s qualifications and approach. For an overview of first and ongoing appointments, visit our individual therapy page.

When self-worth and relationships overlap

It can be difficult to express a preference if you expect it to make you seem demanding. You might find yourself taking responsibility for how everyone else feels, or accepting an arrangement that leaves little room for you.

If the relationship itself is an important part of the concern, therapy for attachment and relationship patterns offers more detail about that work. You do not need to decide which description fits best before meeting Maiah; the focus can include more than one concern.

Fees, format and getting started

We offer individual sessions for ages 16+ at $200 for 50 minutes, in person in Ottawa and online across Ontario. In-person appointments take place at 9 Melrose Ave; our Contact page has location details.

We provide a detailed receipt that you can submit to your insurer. Coverage depends on your plan, including whether it covers a Registered Psychotherapist and whether any additional requirements apply.

You can start with a complimentary 15-minute phone consultation. It is an opportunity to ask questions about working with Maiah and describe what you would like support with, even if you are still finding the words for it.